Like Her Type

February 2, 2016February 16, 2016

Thailand: 15 things I wish I’d known

Flying from London to Bangkok is often the easiest, cheapest way to reach South-East Asia, so many travellers begin their journey in the ever-popular Thailand. We had just 3 weeks to get a taste of Thailand’s diverse culture and, although we had the best time, there are a few small things I wish I known before we arrived.

As someone very new to this whole travelling thing, I’ve been torn between a desire to be spontaneous and see where the week takes me and the need to plan each step with extensive research. I think a combination is important, with an open mind being the most useful possession you can have. We researched where to visit enough to know they had very different things to offer, but we didn’t plan how long we would stay at each place until we arrived. We spent 4 days in Bangkok, 9 days in Koh Lanta, 2 days in Koh Jum, 2 days in Koh Phi Phi and 3 days in Phuket. Here are a few things we learned along the way, as I’m sure anyone who visits Thailand will relate to…

1. What you see isn’t always what you get
And I’m not just talking about ladyboys. Whilst your instinct might tell you that the nicest-looking restaurants will serve better food, and cheap street food will upset your stomach, the street food wins every time. It is generally tastier and cheaper. As long as its cooked fresh in front of you, you can’t go wrong.

2. Cheese and Ham toasties from 7/11 are totally acceptable
A pre-made toastie in a packet from the corner shop should be so wrong, but it’s so, so right. I let my usual eating habits go completely out the window and ate whatever I felt like, at whatever time of day. It’s liberating to let go of old routines.

3. You don’t have to book accommodation in advance
It is perfectly fine to just rock up and ask for a room. 9 times out of 10 there will be a vacancy in the first place you try. Ask to see the room before you pay and don’t let anyone organise accommodation and taxis for you – chances are they are working on commission and you will end up paying more to cover it.

4. Leo is better than Chang
I love beer, but a few days drinking Chang left me feeling horrible – Leo is the one. Also, SangSom isn’t as bad as it should be. Cheap rum disguised as whiskey isn’t exactly my bag, but when it costs £5 a bottle and doesn’t give you a hangover then I’ll take it.

5. Elephant trekking and tiger temples are never OK
I already knew this before visiting Thailand, but the reality of the cruelty hits you harder when you actually see the poor animals and investigate for yourself.

6. Your laundry will come back half the size
I had no idea whether to take good-quality clothes or old stuff I can chuck if needed. Definitely take the old stuff and buy cheap essentials when you arrive. Clothes become far more disposable when you’re travelling

7. Phi Phi isn’t paradise (unless you’re willing to pay)
5 years ago I would probably have loved to party in Phi Phi, but it turns out I grew out of it before I had the chance. However, there are beautiful places on the other side of the island if you have a bigger budget. Also, you have to pay for Maya Bay (‘The Beach’) now, and it was very beautiful, but very busy.

8. Lanta actually is paradise
I never wanted to leave! Read my post on Lanta for the many reasons why.

9. There is another side to Phuket without the bad reputation
When most people think of Phuket, they have the image of party town Patong. We stayed in Phuket town with Joe’s sister, who lives in Thailand. It was great to go out with some locals to a Thai nightclub, and visit quieter beaches and traditional Muslim restaurants.

10. There are still some untouched islands
I’m so pleased we took the boat from Koh Lanta and went to Koh Jum (pictured above) for a couple of days. The island has only had electricity since 2014 and is so peaceful. We stayed in a bungalow nestled between the jungle and the beach and I literally spent my time reading, writing and swimming in the sea. Pure bliss. I think we saw about 10 other people the whole time we were there.

11. It’s the perfect opportunity to scuba dive
Thailand has a great reputation for learning to scuba dive. Courses are cheap and you’re guaranteed to see some exciting things. My first ever dive was mind blowing, and Lanta is quiet with plenty of dive centres, so you get a great service. Read my post on learning to scuba dive for more info.

12. Every night you get drunk and manage not to get a tattoo is a miracle
There are tattoo parlours everywhere. Lots of my friends swear by bamboo tattooing, and it’s cheaper than the UK, too. Just be careful you don’t wake up with mysterious Thai writing on your white bits.

13. Beware beauty products with whitening agents
The last thing you need when you’re enjoying your new tan is a facial wash that bleaches your skin.

14. The cockroaches are massive, and terrifying
Insects don’t bother me, but cockroaches that leap out of your bag and into your face do. Also, make sure your insect repellent has deet in, as it’s the only thing that keeps the mozzies away.

15. Air-conditioning is overrated
I’m a big fan of the fan. Air-con gave me a cold after just one night, and fan rooms are cheaper!

There are so many other things I’ve learned in just 3 weeks in Thailand, but it’s funny how quickly the little things become the most useful. It’s a great place to find your feet before you move on to other countries, or simply have the holiday of a lifetime.

If you’re planning a trip to Thailand and would like any more information about how we went about ours, please don’t hestitate to get in touch.

January 22, 2016February 16, 2016

Scuba diving: a lesson on facing your fears

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If you’ve been following my blog from the beginning, you might know that last year, I received cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) for anxiety triggered by OCD. I basically couldn’t control the negative intrusive thoughts coming into my head and it escalated to the point that each day I convinced myself I would be burgled, pushed in front of a train, stabbed in the street etc, purely because the image in my head was so real and relentless.It was such a horrible phase and I’m so glad therapy made it a relatively short one. I never used to be the sort of person who was scared to take risks. I have always been fairly happy-go-lucky and carefree. I had moments last year where I was too scared and anxious to leave the house for fear of something terrible happening, and I never, ever want to feel like that again. I desperately want my experience, and the fact CBT worked so well for me, to help other people going through a similar thing.

Anxiety disorders are so common and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It can 100% be controlled with time and patience. It will always be a quiet battle at the back of my mind, but learning to scuba dive was the final push for me to face my fears.

I have always dreamed of travelling. I had planned to travel by a certain age, and that age was fast approaching. How was I suppose to head off around the world and face the unknown when I felt scared every time the doorbell went? Enough was enough. I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of a dream I had held close for so long, so I set about facing my fears one step at a time. It started with learning to ignore my own thoughts, which is pretty difficult when you feel like your negative thoughts are the only thing keeping you safe, and it finished with deliberately doing things I am terrified of. The biggest so far? Scuba diving. I decided to do my open-water course in Koh Lanta a week into my travels.

For those of you who have never been scuba diving, there’s a fair bit of theory behind it you have to learn for your own safety, with an exam at the end of the 4-day course. I was basically given a massive book that told me in every other paragraph how I’d get decompression sickness, drown or sink if I did something wrong. Or that my lungs would explode if I accidentally ascended too quickly. Throw in the fear of being eaten by a shark or stung by poisonous fish and there’s quite a lot to think about whilst your submerged 18m under water. There’s also the fear of looking ridiculous in your wetsuit, or forgetting how to prepare the equipment. Throughout the course however, my biggest fear became my greatest ally; the fear of embarrassing myself. I was diving with strangers, and the idea of them knowing how I felt inside was even more terrifying than all the above, which actually worked in my favour because I had no choice but to just get on with it.

On my first proper ‘fun dive’ a giant sea turtle swam gracefully past me, amongst hundreds of exotic fish, and I had a quiet moment of celebration to myself. It had all been worth it. Because, the truth is, you just aren’t living if you don’t take risks, and you will never see the truly beautiful if you don’t make sacrifices somewhere along the way. It won’t be easy, but that’s what makes it worth it. I hope anyone reading this can have the courage to believe in themselves just a fraction more, because if I can learn to scuba dive, you can face your fears too.

Dive & Relax, Koh Lanta

Learning to dive wasn’t a spontaneous decision. It was something I’d been desperate to learn as a teenager, and something that was edging further and further away from me the more I thought about the risks. I would have been so annoyed with myself if I hadn’t taken the opportunity to do it whilst in Koh Lanta, which has a great reputation for dive centres.

‘Dive & Relax’, based on Long Beach, was perfect for me. They promise small groups and a personal service. You are effectively trusting your instructor with your life in some ways so it’s important to learn somewhere quiet if you’re a bit nervous. The 4-day course cost around £300, which included a day of theory, a shore dive, 4 boat dives, an exam, lunch and drinks.

If you would like any more information on CBT or scuba diving (or anything else I’ve covered) please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

January 19, 2016February 16, 2016

Falling for Koh Lanta

A couple of days ago, my best friend asked over the phone, “So, how do you know where to go?” Which was actually a very good question. It is quite hard planning a 3-week trip to Thailand. So many people have been for so many different reasons: partying in Koh Phi Phi, slowing down the pace in Pai, trying to beat the crowds to Koh Lipe etc etc. What happens if you want a bit of everything? Or if someone tells you the place you had in mind is rubbish? Trying to figure out which islands and areas might suit you best via your own research is problematic when every other person you speak to claims to be an expert. How much of the hype do you believe? The reason I’m saying this is because some websites and people warned us away from Koh Lanta, and it was somewhere we’d always wanted to visit. We read it had become crowded and touristy, and we almost didn’t go. Fortunately, we trusted our instincts and gave it a chance because a lot of what we read online was wrong. The island is beautiful. With maybe 10 people to share the beach with. At high season. Here are a few reasons we loved Lanta so much.

THE BEACH BARS

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We arrived at night, and every other path from the road (Lanta South Island is basically one really long road) was lined with lanterns and candles leading down to the beach. We followed one on Khlong Dao and came out to a row of relaxed, beautifully lit beach-side bars and restaurants, each with its own personality and each very chilled. It was actual heaven after our 12-hour stint from Bangkok. Drinking a cold beer with hundreds of stars above, the sand under your feet and candles everywhere does a lot for the soul.

THE FOOD

I was so surprised to discover the price of the food is pretty similar to Bangkok – averaging at about 120 baht (£2.40) for all the Thai classics. The food is so good. I don’t think I will ever get bored of rotating papaya salad, massaman curry and tom yam soup. Beer and cocktails are slightly more expensive but still not a scratch on London – about 60 baht (£1.20) for a beer and 160 baht for a cocktail (£3.20). Quick tip: the more traditonal places up on the road usually serve better food than the expensive-looking places on the beach, plus they’re cheaper and quieter.

THE SUNSETS

The sun starts to set at 6pm in Lanta and was pretty impressive every night. The best viewing place we found was the Diamond Cliff Restaurant at the very south of the island, which has its own beach and huge horizon. We shared the experience with about 15 others, which cast a bit of a shadow on my once-loved crowded spot at Ibiza’s Cafe Mambo. But maybe that’s just me getting old.

THE SCUBA DIVING

I’ll talk more about this in my next post, but in Lanta I decided to do my open-water scuba-diving course at a dive centre called Dive & Relax. Paying just a little bit extra meant only having one other person in my group, doing my theory in a luxury resort and generally having the best service. I was pretty nervous so this was really important to me and now I can see why Dive & Relax come so highly recommended on Trip Advisor.

THE CAVES

On our last day we trekked to one of Lanta’s caves, avoiding the cave you can trek to riding an elephant. Read ‘Beginning in Bangkok‘ if you want to know why elephant trekking is cruel. Anyway, we trekked by foot to a cave and went inside with a guide. Let’s just say I was glad I wore my hiking boots, and have never felt happier to be a small person. I would not have wanted to squeeze through those gaps if I was Joe! We also got to see hundreds of bats all fast asleep. A great 3-hour trip if you’re quite outdoorsy.

THE NATIONAL PARK

This was an embarrassingly big moment for me because I’d never seen monkeys just wandering around. I was so excited. Shame they went around in mobs, terrorising everyone. The national park is beautiful and not at all busy. It’s at the very bottom of the island and we drove there on a moped in about an hour from Klong Dao. You can rent a moped for about 250 baht (£5) for 24 hours.

THE TRAVEL LINKS

Koh Lanta is a very practical island to visit. You can get their easily from Phi Phi and Krabi by boat, and then to smaller islands like Koh Jum and Koh Mook if that takes your fancy.

We originally planned to stay in Lanta for 4 nights and stayed a whopping 9! Partly because I did a 4-day course and partly because it just had a bit of everything. You can party at Pangea or Mushroom bar, learn to cook Thai food, practice yoga or simply soak up the sun. Let’s just hope it stays exactly as it is.

January 12, 2016February 16, 2016

Beginning in Bangkok

When I told people I’d be celebrating New Year’s Eve in Bangkok, I was either met with an unenthusiastic ‘oh cool’ or an even more worrying ‘oh god’. Bangkok seems to have a terrible reputation, and in all honestly I was expecting the worst. Maybe this was why I was actually pleasantly surprised. Sure it’s crowed and dirty, but so is London. And I love London. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I love Bangkok, but it’s lively energy and weakness for taking the world’s most interesting characters under it’s wing are enchanting. It’s also ridiculously cheap, the street food is incredible and you can buy 50 baht (£1) beers from cool boxes on the street. We all go crazy over Notting Hill Carnival, so why do we give Bangkok such a hard time? Here are a few things worth staying a little longer to see.

As much as I enjoyed my time in Bangkok, I’m not sure how I would have fared arriving on my own. I usually walk around with my head in the clouds, so I’m lucky Joe’s a bit more streetwise. Some people are simply out to take you for a ride. The tuk-tuk drivers definitely seem to be running the show when it comes to scamming tourists. Always agree the price upfront if you really need to get one, but I would stick to taxis with a meter.

Contrary to our original plan, we were in Bangkok for 4 days. 2 nights were spent in a hotel (Nouvo City) with a rooftop pool, and 2 nights in a slightly dodgy guesthouse. I think the bed was made from concrete, and we couldn’t figure out how to turn the lights off, but we survived. On our last day in Bangkok, we arranged to visit a wildlife sanctuary a 2-hours drive south, by which point I was desperate to get out of the city and into an open space, with oxygen and trees.

Wildlife Friends Foundation Thailand (WFFT), is a not-for-profit organisation devoted to rescuing and rehabilitating animals previously used for entertainment. It was such an eye-opening day, and really explained the abuse that goes on behind the scenes of some of Thailand’s original tourist attractions, like elephants rides, tiger temples and dancing bears. The cost of the day trip (about £69) is currently going towards building a modern elephant hospital, and in return we were able to take one of the elephants for a walk around the park, feed her and give her a bath, which was pretty much a dream come true. We were also given a tour of the park, which is home to sun bears, gibbons, exotic birds and more. The day included lunch and transfers and I couldn’t recommend it enough.

The elephant trekking you see advertised in all Thai tourist offices should be avoided at all costs. Never ever ride an elephant. No matter how kind the mahouts seem to their elephants, the only reason you are able to ride them is because they are terrified and have been badly abused. They are trained with spikes and chains, babies separated from the mother far too young and forced to carry people until they are broken. YouTube it. In 5 years time we’ll be lucky if Thailand has elephants at all. I felt very lucky to be so close to these beautiful creatures in the right environment.

I had the best time in Bangkok, and I was so sure I would hate it! Here are a few things you might want to squeeze in rather than getting shit-faced on Khaosan Road (which, admittedly, we did do):

Amazing (and amazingly cheap) street food on Soi Rambuttri.
Thai and foot massages at Shewaspa – the same price as most places but definitely the best.
Wat Poh Temple – nowhere near as busy as The Grand Palace and shuts later.
The flower market – pretty surreal.
Chatuchak market (JJ market), where you’ll find everything from vintage Levis to good fake-designer shit to husky puppies. It is HUGE.
Ethos – incredible vegan restaurant down a backstreet and the best place for breakfast

It’s weird writing this now from Koh Lanta, which couldn’t be more different to Bangkok (and is fast becoming the best place I have ever been) but don’t knock Bangkok until you’ve tried it! It might just surprise you.

January 1, 2016

A lesson on keeping a clear head

Plane to Bangkok

In October, when I proudly announced that I’d be going travelling at Christmas, my plan was to document the build-up. The build-up is just intermittent butterflies and last-minute packing for some, but for me it was the strange and stressful journey I guessed it would be. So strange, that I haven’t attempted to write about it until now. ‘Now’ being on board a plane to Bangkok. I don’t think it’s really felt real until today, and I went through of phase of wishing maybe it wasn’t. Fortunately, I ignored the voice that told me I wasn’t quite up to it, because I know it only gets a look in when I haven’t slept or rested enough. For that reason I wanted to do a post about overdoing it. And I don’t mean overdoing it in terms of too much Christmas pudding, I mean by simply doing too much.

Understandably, Christmas is often the hardest time to rest. You have this image of yourself curled up on the sofa with a blanket and a box of Quality Streets all week, when in reality you’re still shopping on Christmas Eve, you’re constantly keeping an eye out for elderly relatives needing the toilet, and trying to visit as many people as possible in the name of Christmas cheer. Throw in a few family tiffs and you end up either drunk as a dodo or have the hangover from hell. I for one, did not feel particularly rested over Christmas, although I did feel more content in some ways. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss a moment with my friends and family, but one day of nothing to yourself is something you’re entitled to no matter the time of year. I guess I felt that I’d have all the time in the world to rest in Thailand, but then I thought that about Christmas, too. When is it supposed to end?

I was under no illusion that I’d be super busy between the day I handed my notice in at work until the day I flew to the Far East 10 weeks later, but looking back now, I can’t actually believe how much I packed in. I wanted to go away with no regrets, so I said yes to everything. Right now, I can’t help but wish I’d reserved a few days to gather my thoughts. I have a friend who schedules ‘rest days’ into her diary, which I have so much respect for. After a point, it becomes impossible to enjoy anything if you haven’t first had a moment to yourself to catch-up and compose yourself. I mean, you should see my bloody toenails right now. I didn’t even give myself 10 minutes to paint my toenails! Over the last 10 weeks, I have flitted from one thing to the next without pausing to think. Typically, it all kind of hit me when I was skiing down a mountain in Austria a couple of weeks ago.

My dad has always wanted to go skiing, so for his 50^th birthday, we found a pre-season deal and flew out to Austria the day after I left my job. A skiing holiday can be pretty intense. I knew in my mind and body that all I really needed was rest, but I was determined to hold out for just a few more days. Moving out of our flat, commuting and working my notice period in amongst the standard stresses of Christmas turned out to be more emotionally and physically draining than I had hoped. Anyway, one minute I was skiing perfectly and the next I convinced myself I couldn’t do it. The danger of falling off the side of the mountain suddenly felt so real that I crouched down, dug myself into the snow and started to panic, which is exactly how I’ve felt about going away. It was that voice, the one that’s only there when I’m ridiculously tired. You know how sometimes a piece of bad news feels much worse just before bed than it does the following morning? It’s because tiredness affects our ability to cope much more than we care to admit. If I could give anyone who’s about to travel or make some big changes some advice, it would be to put a few days of rest at the top of your list, and tell everything else to wait.

I am so thankful that I’ve squeezed in seeing all the people I care about before I head off round the world, but there are times where I should have said I was ‘busy’ resting. Saying yes to opportunities that come your way is so important, but learning when it’s best to say no can be more beneficial for everyone in the long run.

I’m sure at the end of this 11-hour flight I’ll be wondering what all the fuss was about, but right now I’m just really happy to have an hour to myself to write something. I was going to write about how hard it was to say goodbye to everyone I love, and how moved I was by the cards and kind words. I don’t think I have ever felt so loved in all my life. But those words belong to the people I’ve already shared them with, and these words belong to you, whoever is reading this now: thank you so much for reading the first post from my little adventure, and a very happy New Year.

December 22, 2015December 26, 2015

A lesson on Christmas traditions

Picture me aged 3. I’m making a snowman from cotton wool and toilet roll. I proudly present snowman to Mum and Dad when I get home from playgroup, and then again the following Christmas when he emerges from a dusty box of decorations. And just like that, a tradition is born. Snowman is a running family joke every Christmas, with his green fez and droopy eyes. Every year, he reminds us how much we’ve grown, what’s changed and what will never change. He represents the purest kind of innocence and he is protected and preserved the way we wish we could preserve time. He is a fond memory, and yet he is still there for us to touch, display and laugh at every year.

Well, he was there. This year, 23 years later, something quite terrible happened. This year, my dog ATE SNOWMAN. And I cried. And so did my mum. My mum and I cried over a small pile of cotton wool and toilet roll.

Admittedly, a part of me felt like Christmas would never be the same again. That silly tradition of unveiling snowman every year was gone. Which is ridiculous because the sentiment lives on regardless – I’d still have the memory without the physical reminder. Perhaps what we’re really afraid of is forgetting the small things; the forgettable things that are actually quite lovely to keep safe. After all, the moment an object jogs a memory (that might otherwise have been lost forever) is far too wonderful not to protect.

But still, why the hell do we want Christmas to be the same every single year? What is our relentless obsession with reliving the past?

After a couple of hours grieving over poor old snowman, I started to think about the impact personal traditions can have on our ability to cope with change and embrace the unknown. The truth is, there have been some big changes in my life this year, and seeing snowman in little pieces was like a visual reminder that my life, like most people’s, is subject to uncontrollable change and unplanned disruption. Shit happens, basically.

My mum and I were faced with two choices: a) to feel extremely sorry for ourselves, or b) make a bigger, better snowman, rebuilding him and adding to the story he represents. Our story. Which is of course guided by the way we respond to the unplanned. Sometimes all we can do is laugh and carry on.

We become so dependant on our traditions for things to feel ‘right’ that we often forget the bigger picture or fear life without them. Wrongly or rightly, we assign a great deal of profound emotion to the most useless physical objects or rituals. Cut yourself loose and you’ll be surprised how well you cope on the other side.

Christmas also has a tendency to make us EVEN MORE dependant on material things. We feel like we’re being sentimental, when in reality most of the sentiment is just another dose of consumerism in disguise. I mean, what is the point in crackers? Sure it’s ‘tradition’ but isn’t it also a royal waist of money? I love Christmas as much as the next person, but it does a bloody good job of distorting our perception of things. We run the risk of doing the same things over and over and over again, without pausing to stop and think about why. Christmas is a prime example of our susceptibility to finding security in nostalgia – which is no way to live in the long term.

The lesson? Take Christmas and all your traditions with the biggest pinch of salt you can afford, take the pressure off yourself and remember what’s important. Shared traditions are a big part of celebrating a certain culture, but having the ability to break free from them when necessary is essential for culture (and your own sanity), too.

November 26, 2015

Winter beauty remedies

Static hair, scaly hands, eczema and terrible circulation are generally what Mother Nature blesses me with this time every year. And let me tell you, it’s not a good look. Having moved back in with my mum near Brighton before I go travelling after Christmas, I’m also commuting to London every day, which means an extra two hours of recycled air to dry out my already suffering Winter complexion. Constantly searching for products that ease the redness and replenish a bit of vitality, here are five of the best Winter beauty remedies I’ve been using this year.

Balance Me Super Moisturising Hand Cream, £14.50
Best for: very dry hands and eczema flair ups

Not only does this hand cream smell amazing, it’s made using nearly 100% natural ingredients and won’t irritate your skin. I suffer with quite bad eczema on my hands and found this more soothing than lifelong favourite, E45. It really is worth spending that little bit extra on a good-quality hand cream when it’s cold. I was lucky enough to receive a free sample at work and now I’m obsessed.

Burt’s Bees Replenishing Lip Balm with Pomegranate Oil, £3.99
Best for: chapped lips and loss of lip pigment

When I am cold, my lips go blue. And when I’m sitting in an over-heated office all day, my lips dry out. On days where I can’t be bothered with lipstick (most days then), I wear this. It is much, much more moisturising than Vaseline, Carmex or Lip Salve and has a nice subtle hint of colour that lasts. Better still, there are different shades to choose from. Infused with antioxidants, this great little beauty buy is 100% natural.

Bumble and Bumble Styling Crème, £20.50
Best for: giving dull hair a bit of a lift

I’m a huge fan of going to bed with damp hair coiled in a top knot. My hair is naturally very straight. Too straight. When it’s exposed to extreme weather, all it wants to do is hang limply on my head. This styling cream from Bumble and bumble adds just the right amount of texture without weighing my hair down, for an almost-messy natural look that’s really quick and easy to do. I apply to damp hair before bed.

Liz Earle Cleanse & Polish Hot Cloth Cleanser, £15.50
Best for: wiping off the grime of a long day in London

I was given a mini version of this for Christmas a few years ago and it is just divine. This year I’m so happy I’ve got the full-size bottle in my life. I have incredibly sensitive skin. I battle on and off with acne and this cleanser doesn’t cause breakouts, which is rare. I usually only use Simple products, but Liz Earle’s are all completely natural and incredibly soothing. The muslin cloth really feels like you’ve treated yourself at the end of the day.

Simple Regeneration Age Resisting Night Cream, £5.25
Best for: Sensitive skin that needs gentle but powerful hydration

If, like me, you have oily, sensitive skin, there’s the temptation to avoid moisturizing. Too thick and your face is shiny, the wrong ingredients and your face is red. However, avoiding moisturizer will leave skin dehydrated and too dry for foundation. I only use Simple moisturizers and natural oils on my face. This night cream is thick without being greasy, with soothing green tea. I really notice a difference in the morning when I use it.

I would love to hear your beauty recommendations for Winter, so please feel free to comment below with any tips or suggestions!

November 19, 2015

Her Poetry: Dreams

Dreams

Extracting someone’s dreams
Is a very tricky art;
The smallest hint of contact
And those dreams will fall apart.

The fabric of your thoughts
Can be sensitive to touch;
When it combines with flesh and air
The abstract turns to dust.

Trickling through your fingers
Dreams will form a thick cement,
To penetrate their meaning
You must hold them at arm’s length.

To understand a dream
Is to catch a falling cloud;
You grasp it in the moment
Soon to realise you’re without.

November 16, 2015December 29, 2015

A lesson on feeling nervous

Why you should never let feeling nervous impact your life in a negative way, no matter how great the fear, or how real the threat.

Nervousness, like hunger or happiness, is something I feel quite naturally throughout the day. It’s ingrained not only in my personality, but in the fabric of my instinctive bodily reactions, and has been since I can remember. Speaking to somebody new, answering the phone, leading a meeting, public speaking, getting on the tube, preparing for a night out, hearing a loud noise etc, etc. I am jumpy, a worrier, a worst-case-scenario thinker. It’s an endless, annoying disposition, and one I’ve wholeheartedly come to terms with. It’s an irrational, unreasonable feeling I’ve learnt to mask and ignore. I counter my nervousness with a very distracting kind of faux confidence, a performance of the character I’d rather have that’s so much a part of my everyday life its 99% real. Hand me a glass of wine and you can make it 100%. I have learnt to combat nervous feelings by acting as though they aren’t there. And it works. If I were to submit myself to every worried thought, every increased heart rate, every quivering hand, I simply would not be able to do the things I love, or be the person I want to be. We are bigger and more powerful than the confines of our own negativity.

In light of recent events in Paris and around the world, it’s fair to say that nervousness is currently a trending theme. I am writing this simply because I want to urge people never to let nervousness creep up and steel your personality, your identity or your life, no matter what. After Friday night’s terrorist attack in Paris, I was in awe of the people standing triumphantly in the streets the following day, from near victims to news reporters. Their strong defiance and bravery in the face of true threat echoes the strength we should always ensure to apply when faced with any demon, metaphorical or not. Saying you aren’t scared and acting as though you aren’t scared is enough to prove you aren’t, no matter what the little voice in the back of your head is telling you.

Much of my personal nervousness stems from an irrational fear of the unknown. But what happens when we have a legitimate reason to feel afraid? When we’re forced to picture ourselves trying to flee London’s equivalent of The Bataclan? What happens when suddenly it seems very sensible to avoid certain things, just in case? In my opinion, the most important thing anyone can do, is to live your life as normal. Terrorism can only ever win if we act terrified. To remain calm, optimistic, peaceful and brave is to counter terrorism itself.

Last week, prior to Friday’s events, I found myself in a couple of situations that were interesting in terms of observing other people’s nervousness. Everyday things a lot of us are familiar with – a group presentation at work and two interviews (of which I was doing the interviewing, thank god). Clear and classic signs of nervousness were obvious in all cases: shaky hands, rattled speach, talking too quickly etc. These instances really dramatised how nervous feelings often equate to how much you want something to be good. I have OCD, and therefore want everything to be perfect all the time, which is probably why I end up feeling unnecessarily nervous. It’s fair to say, therefore, that any unified feeling of nervousness around terrorism on a national scale is nothing but a universal prayer for goodness over evil. Nervous feelings, if treated properly, can provide a useful energy, like performing under pressure in a test.

My advice? Never feel ashamed to be nervous, and never translate nervousness as a fear you can’t control. Meme pas peur.

October 26, 2015November 16, 2015

Lesson 31: giving death a voice

What do you say to someone when they tell you a loved one has died?

What do you wish people would say to you?

If there’s one life lesson worth sharing, surely it has to be this? It’s the hardest thing to think about, let alone talk about, but how are we meant to even begin to understand something we very rarely confront?

I am not a councillor and I do not have lots of experience dealing with grief, but I do have a strong belief that words can make you feel better. The mantra and purpose of my blog is to connect people through the shared experiences we don’t always draw attention to, and I think one of hardest things about grief, is that we do not talk about dying enough. It’s a terrifying taboo not worth thinking about, so no wonder we struggle the way we do when we lose someone close. The other side of the coin, of course, is that there’s always a danger of obsessing over death. The final-ness of death can consume you if you let it. Most of us choose to brush the idea under the carpet until we really have to face it.

Earlier this year, when I started to struggle more and more with OCD, I thought about dying all the time. More precisely, I worried about dying all the time. It snuck up on me on the tube, in the shower, in the middle of the night: “one day you won’t be here… one day so and so will die… this time 2 years ago so and so was here…” and it provoked panic. Therapy quickly taught me that really, there is no point in worrying, or panicking, or dwelling, because it won’t change a thing. In many ways this is reassuring, but in others it’s the foundation of the problem. We are completely and utterly ruled by nature. We have next to no control when it comes to death, and that’s what’s so scary.

We do, however, have full control when it comes to life. So, the one true way to stare death in the face? Simply, to live the best life you can.

A full and beautiful life isn’t just happiness and rainbows; it is catastrophe, sadness, anger, heartbreak and all the extremes that make us the emotional humans we are. To live a life without the negative is not living, it is half living. All these fiery, dramatic, powerful emotions make us feel alive. They’re difficult to process and cope with, but they’re integral to the human condition, particularly where love is concerned. Perhaps this is why when we grieve, we experience every catastrophic emotion there is. The person we loved and lost casts us on a journey through what it means to live, and what it means to love. It is painful, but to experience it means you have truly lived, and that is a blessing. You were brave enough to love someone so much that you ran the risk of inflicting this much pain on yourself in return. Being prepared to die for someone is the same as being prepared to grieve for someone; and both are the bravest declarations of love you can make.

But how does knowing this help with anything? Understanding grief does little to help you through it. And in all honesty, grief never really goes. It fades, sure, but it will linger for as long as you love that person. The trick is learning to comfort yourself rather than taunt yourself with ‘what ifs’. Your mind and memory will take you on a journey through time, always dumping you in the present with a big hole in your heart. My advice to you is to fill that hole with stories. Say them out loud, write them down and share them with people who care about you. Keep that person’s voice alive. Make it your duty to protect their memory.

Talking about death is integral to coping with grief. It also encourages us to fear the unknown a little less. This is what I tell myself when thoughts of death catch me off guard – I hope it comforts you too:

“…You know that moment when you start drifting off to sleep? It’s by far the most peaceful, welcoming feeling you ever experience. Your eyes are heavy and your body happily succumbs to the beckoning quiet. You want nothing but darkness and nothing else matters…”

That is how I imagine death to feel. Death is remaining in that blissful, content couple of seconds just before we fall sleep, handing ourselves over because it feels irresistibly natural. Maybe that’s why the dead visit us in our dreams. What if, when you die, you become the essence of a feeling? And what if you can’t quite settle into being the essence of peacefulness until the people who love you feel peaceful?

Last night, I dreamt that I had my purse stolen. My Granddad, my Dad’s dad, was in my dream, trying to help me find it. Oddly enough, I woke up to a text from my Dad (who is currently is Japan) saying that he’d had his wallet stolen. It was weird enough that I had experienced the same anguish and frustration asleep as my Dad had when he was awake, but it was even weirder that my Dad’s dad was there to comfort me. This was just a strange coincidence, but I can’t help but believe that maybe there are all sorts of different energies and forces we don’t understand. Our sensitivity to the people we love is much stronger than we realise. Who’s to say that bond is broken after we die?

Death, like anything traumatic and confusing, needs a narrative, even if the narrative is just a big open space that we write ‘who knows?’ in. Because, like life, maybe death can be whatever you want it to be.